Do we have to take fear at face value?
Today's blog is by Assistant District Manager, Melvyn Howe.
Fear.It’s a word that conjures up images of pounding hearts and legs turning to jelly.Well, sometimes perhaps.But usually it is far more insidious.Whatever form it takes there certainly seems to be no shortage of it.Fear of a faltering economy, uncomfortably high inflation, unemployment, crime, failing health, old age and, in some areas of the world, fear of war, famine and natural disasters.Then there’s that unappetising family of fears about ourselves – I am not intelligent enough, good looking enough, tall enough, popular enough.Add a receding hairline and that pretty well sums up how I went through late teenagerhood!Can you believe there was even a time when I worried I was "not old enough". Then, a few years down the line I began to be concerned I was not young enough!Others have a fear of heights, needles and in the case of an old friend of mine tortoises! Don’t ask me why. When he told me I unfortunately laughed so much I completely forgot to ask him.One thing is clear – fortunes have been made out of fear. Organisations that offer home security, self-defence, beauty products, insurance, health checks, weaponry, and so on, all trade on fear in one form or another.But are our fears always justified?
Take violence for example. Psychologist Steven Pinker is the author of the newly published “The Better Angels of our Nature”, reassuringly subtitled "Why violence has declined". He believes government, the legal system, the greater influence of women in society and commerce, as well as literacy, journalism, history and science have all contributed to the decline in violence. And he has mined the available data to prove it.In an interview in the New Scientist, published last week, Pinker explains: “I think there are a number of systematic biases, what I call 'historical myopia' being one of them.“The closer you get to the present, the better the records are, and I think this is a major distorter of our impressions of violence.“We know about every massacre that has taken place close to the present, but the ones in the distant past are like trees falling in the forest with no one to hear them.”Of course, violence still exists and other fears seem all too justified. At times it seems when one fear lessens another is eagerly waiting in the wings to take its place.
What do we do then? Mahatma Gandhi once said: “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”Just seven words, and very simple ones at that.But they taught me a profound lesson many years ago – that while I might not be able to solve every one of the many ills that would try to make anxiety a way of life, I didn’t have to be a victim.I believe Ghandi was referring to the state of our thinking – that when presented with a challenge we have choices - to give up and drown under a tsunami of worry, or take a stand and refuse to behave like a rabbit caught helplessly in the headlights.I remember coming home one day to find my back door had been ripped off its hinges, my home ransacked and many things stolen.As my wife, young son and I surveyed the devastation, the fear of how we would cope crowded in. For some reason I felt it was my fault. I felt unable to comfort my family as my wife found sentimental possessions missing and my son tearfully discovered his PlayStation games had been taken.Of course, I rang the police immediately.Then I phoned my mother who could always be relied on to bring a spiritual touch to every crisis. She immediately calmed me down, telling me that difficult and upsetting though things were, I could refuse to let the situation overwhelm me. Like Ghandi she was saying I had a choice, and did not have to give this break-in permission to “hurt” me.I realised the most important thing was my family and I were safe and I should be grateful for that. Once the police had left, a call-out company secured the rear of the premises. As my wife, son and I cleared up together we quickly re-established a feeling of unity, purpose and a sense of home. The insurance claim was painless, the new back door was much better than the old one, and those sentimental items that could not be replaced have never actually been missed.It could of course have all been so different. It would have been all too easy to have given in to anger at those responsible, to have worried endlessly that we might be targeted again and generally to have lived under a cloud of vulnerability, nervousness and a feeling we would never be able to fully relax in our home again.Instead of being traumatised once I had established that sense of freedom and of being in command of the situation it never left me.This taught me that we don't always need to take fear at face value but can refuse to give permission to be its victim.
Fear.It’s a word that conjures up images of pounding hearts and legs turning to jelly.Well, sometimes perhaps.But usually it is far more insidious.Whatever form it takes there certainly seems to be no shortage of it.Fear of a faltering economy, uncomfortably high inflation, unemployment, crime, failing health, old age and, in some areas of the world, fear of war, famine and natural disasters.Then there’s that unappetising family of fears about ourselves – I am not intelligent enough, good looking enough, tall enough, popular enough.Add a receding hairline and that pretty well sums up how I went through late teenagerhood!Can you believe there was even a time when I worried I was "not old enough". Then, a few years down the line I began to be concerned I was not young enough!Others have a fear of heights, needles and in the case of an old friend of mine tortoises! Don’t ask me why. When he told me I unfortunately laughed so much I completely forgot to ask him.One thing is clear – fortunes have been made out of fear. Organisations that offer home security, self-defence, beauty products, insurance, health checks, weaponry, and so on, all trade on fear in one form or another.But are our fears always justified?Take violence for example. Psychologist Steven Pinker is the author of the newly published “The Better Angels of our Nature”, reassuringly subtitled "Why violence has declined". He believes government, the legal system, the greater influence of women in society and commerce, as well as literacy, journalism, history and science have all contributed to the decline in violence. And he has mined the available data to prove it.In an interview in the New Scientist, published last week, Pinker explains: “I think there are a number of systematic biases, what I call 'historical myopia' being one of them.“The closer you get to the present, the better the records are, and I think this is a major distorter of our impressions of violence.“We know about every massacre that has taken place close to the present, but the ones in the distant past are like trees falling in the forest with no one to hear them.”Of course, violence still exists and other fears seem all too justified. At times it seems when one fear lessens another is eagerly waiting in the wings to take its place.What do we do then? Mahatma Gandhi once said: “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”Just seven words, and very simple ones at that.But they taught me a profound lesson many years ago – that while I might not be able to solve every one of the many ills that would try to make anxiety a way of life, I didn’t have to be a victim.I believe Ghandi was referring to the state of our thinking – that when presented with a challenge we have choices - to give up and drown under a tsunami of worry, or take a stand and refuse to behave like a rabbit caught helplessly in the headlights.I remember coming home one day to find my back door had been ripped off its hinges, my home ransacked and many things stolen.As my wife, young son and I surveyed the devastation, the fear of how we would cope crowded in. For some reason I felt it was my fault. I felt unable to comfort my family as my wife found sentimental possessions missing and my son tearfully discovered his PlayStation games had been taken.Of course, I rang the police immediately.Then I phoned my mother who could always be relied on to bring a spiritual touch to every crisis. She immediately calmed me down, telling me that difficult and upsetting though things were, I could refuse to let the situation overwhelm me. Like Ghandi she was saying I had a choice, and did not have to give this break-in permission to “hurt” me.I realised the most important thing was my family and I were safe and I should be grateful for that. Once the police had left, a call-out company secured the rear of the premises. As my wife, son and I cleared up together we quickly re-established a feeling of unity, purpose and a sense of home. The insurance claim was painless, the new back door was much better than the old one, and those sentimental items that could not be replaced have never actually been missed.It could of course have all been so different. It would have been all too easy to have given in to anger at those responsible, to have worried endlessly that we might be targeted again and generally to have lived under a cloud of vulnerability, nervousness and a feeling we would never be able to fully relax in our home again.Instead of being traumatised once I had established that sense of freedom and of being in command of the situation it never left me.This taught me that we don't always need to take fear at face value but can refuse to give permission to be its victim.